Hiatus

Wah!

Assalamualaikum WBT.

It's been awhile. Really. *dusting off my blog*

A lot of things happened these past few months. Happiness. Sadness.

But still, I am thankful for everything.

I finally graduated. Yay! Alhamdulillah.

Yesterday was my birthday. Dec 10th. Really. This year brought a lot of thoughtful meaning to my life. I am really really thankful.

Finished my project paper. Been to Mecca and Medina for my first umrah. It was really a blessed event. Everything happened for a reason.

That person also started to talk to me back. I don't know what Allah planned for me.

But when I think back, with his coming back, talking to him, it is a mistake.

It doesn't benefit me at all. It makes me drifted away.

What made me want to stop study before, HIM.

When I decided to stop talking to him, everything falls perfectly.

Should I stop forever?

Months ago or maybe last year, I was afraid to stop, because I was afraid I had no one to talk and to share things with. But when I stopped, I felt free and less 'puffy eyes'. Haha.

There were so many times I doubting myself, what  is exactly that I gained after I know him?

1) I started to know myself more.

2) Alhamdulillah. I started to be close to Allah. I astrayed for so long.

3) I could differentiate people who are honest and/or just basically want to be with you for their benefits.

4) Sometimes, when people are used to lying, they are not gonna stop. They will never stop. If they are not lying, they will just make excuses.

5) A cheater will always cheat. If you are brave and strong hearted, stay and play along. The show might be really interesting. Wait for the jaw-dropping moment that the cheater will make.

6) This kind of person doesn't deserve someone who is great by their side. But just pray that this cheater will change someday.

I don't wanna lie. I do miss him sometimes. And it hurts me like crazy. I caught myself in between. Sometimes I am too soft and fall for his words.

On the other hand, I am as hard as rock. 

Anyway, wish me the best. 

Aisyah R. A.

Never met her

But I adore her

The never ending love, support

The strength she showed 

Made every women in the whole wide world

Full of jealousy

She was a strong woman

Indeed, she still is

She is alive inside me

'Ummul Mukminin' people called her

She deserved it

The woman of nation

Never ending to inspire

Never stop to be the one

Who ignite the fire

The fire, to be strong for ummah

The love for The Prophet S.A.W.

Still burning 

Will always be there

Aisyah never got married again

Longing to Muhammad

Her Beloved

She was the youngest

Yet, she loved Muhammad wholeheartedly

Muhammad loved her the way she deserved it

O Aisyah!

I am longing to see you and talk to you

I pray that I could be as wisest as you are

Even a tiny part of you

Allahu

-NNF88-

Rindu

Hadir bila keseorangan

Hadir bila terpandang sesuatu

Normal

Rindu hadir bila dia jauh dari mata

jauh dari hati

Kenapa nak dirindui si dia yang belum tentu merinduimu?

Dia antara yang istimewa

Dia menyakitiku tanpa sedarnya

Dia .. tiada kata-kata yang dapat kugambarkan

Aku merinduinya

Semoga dia pun sama

Allahu

Sampaikan rinduku pada dia

Dia yang tidak mungkin merinduiku

-NNF88-

Blessing from The One

Being a Muslim, we always put in trials, test. Why? Because once we realized, why Allah put us in so many test, we will be really thankful. It doesn't matter if the test comes in a good or bad condition. Allah will not put His slave in a test where we couldn't cope with it. We will survive. How do we know we will survive and pass the test?

My life before today, I've been so cruel to myself. I focused on something I shouldn't. I prioritized others than my own self. I indulged in something that weakened myself. I lost something I should've treasure. I put my future on hold. That was my test. I failed so many times. But I tried to get back on my feet again. Because I know, this is not who I am. This is not me. I am not a failure and I am not someone who easily to give up. My self before today, I can say that I didn't try my very best to do things I started. I complained a lot. I hated things I supposed to finish. I wasn't happy. I planned to give up my future. Give up my parents dream, hope. 

But deep down, I know

, I needed help. I seek help from human. I asked for their opinions. They answered, but I never listen. Because at that time, I know, I am right, and they are wrong. I talked to myself, they don't know what they said and what I felt. They don't know a thing. Once again, I really wanted to give up. My future, my life. I am 27 years old. I don't have a job and I felt useless.

Enough with human, the creations. They didn't give me any solutions to my problems. Some of them, I appreciated the most. Because they listened. I seek help from the wrong medium. I know. I pray, fast and do some good things. But I let the devil dominated me. I need to clean myself. There's no one can help me.

But, there's the only one can help me go through this trials. The One, Allah. I seek Him. But you know what, He is always there, watching me. Close enough to me. But I never seek help from Him. How blind I am? How arrogant I am? I asked Him, begged Him, to release my pain, my burden. Each time, whenever I pray, I asked Him to guide me to His straight path. Never let me astray. Bit by bit, everything I needed, coming back to me. His help, I could never explain. Subhanallah. I could never imagine how much He loves me.

My project paper for my postgraduate had been on hold for 2 years. This 2 years, was the most difficult time I ever been. I lost myself, but Alhamdulillah, I found her back. With the mercy from Allah. I learnt a lot. I could never thank Him enough. Just being a faithful slave is what I'm focusing now. With His help, I know and I am sure, I will get through this and will put my life back on the track. InsyaAllah.

-NNF88-

How to Forget a Guy in 10 days

As far as some people in my life knew about my 'relationship' with this guy, I finally left him after a year and 5 months, FINALLEH!! But, still, we can't be too arrogant about that. Maybe someday in the future, he will come back into my life. We planned, but Allah's plan is the greatest. Remember?

So, just like how I mentioned above, to forget is not an easy task. Took a lot of courage and tears. LOL. For me, I tried so hard and I'm still at the first phase. I don't know how many phase because I made the phase myself. Hahahaha.

As a Muslim, the first thing to do is put our trust in Allah 1,000,000% !! There's no one can help us at this rate where one could possibly gone insane, crazy and anything you can come up with. I've been into a denial phase where I wished I never knew him. The most extreme I've ever been was I wished I had amnesia. That's insane right? Yup. Been there, done that.

So, let's go check the list on how to forget a guy you wished you never knew, a guy who shouldn't exist in your life, a guy who broke your heart into pieces, a guy that you are not meant to be:

1. Put your trust in Allah: Allah is the Maker of our heart. He is the One who will heal us. InsyaAllah. You'll see the miracle. Believe in Him that one day, your love will come and save you. That will be the best moment in your life.
2. Doa (pray): Ask Allah to heal your heart, mend the broken heart. Ask for forgiveness because we are a sinner. This heart which beating every second doesn't deserve to beat for a creation. It must beat for the Creator. 
3. Never stalk your ex-man: Never ever ever stalk his social network account. NEVER EVER! Because, you heart will ache by just seeing him smiling happily and licking ice cream with his cat. DON'T DO THAT! 
4. Hide or throw away all the things he gave you: All the things he gave you hold a million of memories which could make you burst into tears in a second, which is not worth it. You have to be strong to face the days. It is not worth where you have to give up and go back to him, begging him to stay by your side. Back to square one ladies? Nuh uh!! Hide it if you think it is worth to keep and important to you. Or you can give it away to anyone else. The meanest thing to do, THROW IT AWAY!!
5. Avoid places you've been with him: Throughout your relationship, for a couple of months, try to avoid the places you had dinner together, cinema you've been to, National Mosque where you guys park the car (HAHAHA) or anywhere that could make you sad and remember all the memories where you were together.
6. Delete his phone number, email, facebook account: As for phone number, it will hurt you even more when you saw his face with the new one on his Whatsapp account, or FB account. LOL. So, delete it. It is way better and will make you happier. Trust me!
7. Watch funny movies: Laugh your ass off!! You are happy without him. Watch Running Man. That's what I do.
8. Go out with friends and surround yourself with people: This is to avoid you from being lonely. Being alone by yourself is not good at all. This situation will make your memories with him come flooding. Then, you'll miss him. He doesn't deserve you. And you are deserve to be happy. Make yourself busy!
9. Smile: Smile is Sadaqah. The more you smile, the more Allah gives you thing you are deserve. Don't make your life miserable. Even you feel miserable, smile!
10. Read Quran: This is the important one. Read Quran and understand it. You'll find the answer. You will. And by reading it, your heart will be at ease. There's no one or nothing could be close to us, only Holy Quran. Allah talk to you through Quran. If you don't read and understand it, how will you find the answer? How you feel at ease? 

That's all. I think. If I have more, I will update it for sure. InsyaAllah.

-NNF88-

Doa

Bila manusia mula bergantung pada selain daripada Allah, maka terumbang-ambinglah hidupnya. Aku pernah bergantung pada seseorang. Aku pada masa itu percaya yang dia mampu membahagiakanku. Percaya yang dia tidak akan kecewakan aku. Aku serahkan hati aku pada dia. Aku buta dengan rasa sayang aku pada dia.

Dalam pada masa yang sama, aku berdoa pada Tuhan, jika dia untukku, satukan, dekatkan. Jika dia bukan untukku, jauhkan, pisahkan dia dariku. Saban hari aku sebutkan namanya dalam solatku, dalam sujudku. Hati aku kuat mengatakan, dia dijadikan untukku. Perit, pedih, sendu, pilu, aku tetap padanya. Aku buta. Bergantung harap pada dia yang juga tidak tahu kesudahan kisah aku dan dia.

Beberapa kali aku pasrah tapi aku harus bangkit. Bangkit dengan harapan agar aku lebih gembira. Sejak dari hari itu, aku letakkan harapan ku yang menggunung padaNya. Kerana aku tahu, Dia takkan pernah sesekali menghampakanku. Aku akui, setelah meninggalkkanya jauh dari hidupku, aku merasa lebih tenang. Bak kata orang, tak semestinya orang yang kita suka, mampu membahagiakan kita. Kali ini, aku nekad untuk jauh dari dia. Jika dulu, dia diibaratkan sebagai parasit. Menyedut segala zat aku, gembiraku, tangisku. Terima kasih juga pada dia. Kerana dia hadir dalam hidupku, aku lebih bersyukur sekarang. Aku lebih matang. Lebih segalanya dari sebelumnya.

Dendam? Tiada dendam untuk dia. Cuma doa yang sentiasa aku iringi dalam solatku. Semoga dia diberikan kesihatan yang terbaik. Aku tahu dan yakin. Allah itu Maha Adil dan Maha Penyayang. Biarlah memori yang manis tentang dia aku simpan, yang pahit biarlah berlalu pergi. Biarlah aku kenang dia sebagai insan yang baik pernah aku kenali. Biarlah apa pun niat dia sepanjang perkenalan, aku redha, aku terimanya.

-NNF88-

Ups and Downs

Pasang dan surut

Dikawal bulan

Manusia kalah dengan nafsu, seringkali

Manusia

Hari ni dia kata A

Besok dia kata B

Manusia

Hari ni iman setinggi gunung Everest

Besok, senipis roti tisu

Mulut

Diam, terkunci

Hati

Pilu, meratap

Tuhanku,

Kuatkan aku

-NNF88-